brendan halpin

Chaotic Wrestling got the new year off to a fantastic start with a show at the Irish American Club in Malden that really had it all. Let’s dive in to the recap, shall we?

Before the show started, Brad Cashew was marching around with a sign that said “Justice for Cashew” on one side and “rules are rules” on the other. Apparently he was mad that he didn’t get a spot in the annual Pandemonium event. And let me just say that Cashew has developed into a fantastic heel. He comes across both arrogant and petulant, a really perfectly hatable combination.

Then the show opened with a Battle Royal (I’d prefer Royale, but I’m not in charge!) for a spot in Pandemonium (which in turn guarantees a championship shot for the winner). Jose Zamora warmed up the crowd by demanding silence so he could shoot a video, and he was quickly joined by Tony Navarro, whose gimmick seems to be that he’s Italian. Up and comer Spike Nishimura was there, Cashew was there, new glamor girl Livyah was there, and of course the charismatic and enormous Tyree Taylor took the match, because realistically who is throwing that guy over the top rope?

Fan favorite Aaron “Evil Gay” Rourke made his typically fabulous entrance before losing to John Walters. I don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes, but Rourke has been losing a lot lately. I’m not thrilled with this development.

Dijak, who I guess has done some time in the WWE, came and wanted a spot in Pandemonium. The crowd wanted him to fight Cashew even though Cashew didn’t have a spot in Pandemonium—that’s how good Cashew is at being a heel! But Dijak wound up fighting four members of God’s Greatest Creation, which somehow went from a 2-man tag team to a whole 6-person entourage led by Arcturus, who looks like the Papa Emeritus you ordered on Temu. Anyway, Dijak lost, but he’s a really charismatic performer and was fun to watch.

In a tag team match, The Monarchy beat PVDrago, Paris Van Dale and Dante Drago. While I enjoy Paris’s face turn and the entire storyline of her reluctant teamup with lovestruck Drago, I don’t love the fact that she now has less to do. She was a fantastic heel with her “influencer who is really above all this” gimmick, and now she’s definitely taken a back seat to Drago. I like him too, but we know Paris is capable of more than we’re seeing.

Now, the problem with having a Chaotic Show in Malden is that it’s close enough to Saugus that Saugus’ own Ricky Smokes has all his friends show up. And then they cheer for him, the best heel in the entire promotion! I mean, don’t get me wrong, Smokes is great. Really the complete package: perma-sneer and great wrestling skills, but heels are fun because you can yell at them that they suck! Which is tough to do when all their buddies are in the audience! Anyway, fantastic match between Smokes and JT Dunn, who’s a great wrestler despite having an execrable walkout song. After the match, Dunn seemed like he was announcing his retirement, but then God’s Greatest Creation inexplicably showed up and beat the shit out of him.

Then we got a triple threat match where Trigga the OG and Aggro took on each other newcomer DJ Powers, who had Livyah in his corner. Trigga and Aggro made quick work of Powers and it was fun to watch them put their differences aside to crush the greasy, annoying Powers. After the match, a frustrated Powers pushed Livyah down, and folks, I have never heard a pop like this from a Chaotic crowd. People absolutely ROARED their disapproval. Which is interesting because Chaotic doesn’t shy away from having men wrestle against women, and nobody gets mad about this, but when a guy pushes his girlfriend to the ground in a non-wrestling situation? Watch. Out. This was an interesting line for the promotion to walk because while people rarely suplex each other outside the ring, domestic violence is a real thing. Powers didn’t get appropriately punished for this. If he tries it again, I’d love to see all the women of Chaotic come out to beat the living shit out of him.

Then there was the Pandemonium match, won by hard working short king Mortar, much to the delight of the crowd. (We love Mortar!) Great comedy as Cashew crashed the match and got pinned, but Seabass Finn had to count him out because the ref wouldn’t acknowledge him on account of he wasn’t an official participant.

So another night of high drama and violence, and I know I say this every time, but this is an unbeatable entertainment value. Three hours of really top-notch entertainment for twenty bucks! Hell, I paid 17 to see Nosferatu, and that sucked! And not in a good way!

Support your local wrestling promotion, folks! Support DIY artists like your favorite wrestlers!