Pitching To British TV
Recently had an opportunity to pitch a show to British TV. Here’s a transcript!
Me: Thanks for taking the time to meet with me. I’d like to pitch a show.
British TV: Right. Well, shows are what we do. What kind of murders, then?
Me: Sorry?
BTV: What kind of murders? Dark, gritty urban murders? Cozy village murders? Dark, gritty rural murders?
Me: No, it’s actually—
BTV: Dectective— is it a bloke who drinks too much, or a grandmotherly type?
Me: No, there’s no—
BTV: Oh! Ambitious woman who drinks too much! Can’t balance the demands of the job and motherhood, eh?
Me: No. There’s no murders at all. No detective.
BTV: I’m afraid I don’t understand.
Me: It’s a comedy.
BTV: Oh! Right! A comedy! Who dies, then?
Me: Sorry?
BTV: Who dies? You know, it’s all laughs for the whole series and then someone, we prefer a main character but that’s negotiable, dies at the end of the series and we all have a good reflection on mortality!
Me: What the hell kind of comedy is that?
BTV: British comedy.
Me: Okay. So, my concept—it’s like that, only…wait for it…nobody dies!
(long pause)
BTV: I’m afraid I don’t understand. Oh, wait. It’s a panel show, then, is it?
Me: A what now?
BTV: Nobody dies, so it must be a panel show. You know, bunch of comics sit around, have a few laughs tell a few stories, compete in some meaningless contest…
Me: You mean, they compete for charity?
BTV: No no no no, we couldn’t have that. They compete for nothing at all.
Me: So, wait. Let me see if I’m getting this right. There’s one kind of show in which nobody dies, and that’s where a bunch of comics play a game for no stakes.
BTV: Yes, that’s about the size of it.
Me: (thinks.). Right. Fishmonger murders it is.
BTV: I’m interested!