brendan halpin

I’ve seen some people lamenting the lost integrity of the NBA, which is now partnering with gambling sites Kalshi and Polymarket. Sorry—not gambling sites. “Prediction markets.” Where you can put money on your prediction and get more money back if your prediction comes true! Not gambling at all!

Anyway, I thought I could tell you a story of the NBA’s integrity and what’s been lost here.

Once upon a time, there was a very good basketball player. Some say the best basketball player ever! He even led his team to three championships!

But then: uh-oh! Stories started to come out that this player was a compulsive gambler! Did he bet on basketball?

Of course not! Why would you say that a compulsive gambler would wager on an event whose outcome he had more influence over than any other? I can’t believe you’d even suggest that! Anyway, the NBA investigated and found no evidence of wrongdoing!

Shortly after this basketball star’s gambling problem became public, he checked himself into a treatment center for his addiction. Just kidding! Actually, this hypercompetitive man whose entire life had been defined by basketball decided that he just didn’t want to play basketball anymore, and he’d retire and play minor league baseball instead!

He wasn’t a very good baseball player, and after a year out of basketball, he decided he was going to unretire and play more basketball after all! Suspension? Why are you talking about bridges? This was a retirement!

After a year in professional baseball, where steroid use was endemic at the time, he came back to the NBA with a bulkier frame and a much thicker neck! This was probably caused by all the times he looked at called third strikes! What else could it have been?

He came back to the NBA and won three more championships! He was even in a movie with Bugs Bunny!

If it wasn’t for the NBA’s storied integrity, this might be a very different tale! See what they’ve taken from us?